Lama tak update blog. Hari ni first day post-EHousemen registration. Dapat second choice, yakni Hospital Kuala Pilah. Well, not really a choice because my only choice is Hospital Seremban. Mengenangkan masa isi e-housemen, rasa macam dah dream come true bila dapat klik Hospital Seremban, but the dream just vanished like that bila keluar notification "fasiliti penuh". I cried a river. Ceh hyperbola sangat river tu. And that very crucial time, rasa cam terpaksa lah jugak ambik Hospital Kuala Pilah.
So, when people congratulate me on my housemanship placement, I was like okay thanks. Deep inside, I was wandering, am I making a right choice? I don't know yet but I believe Allah will be always with me wherever I am going to do my housemanship. It is indeed a tough decision, bearing in mind there is other stuffs at the back of my mind about my future planning.
2016 is a very "colourful" year, first 3 months of this year, stress and struggle gila study for finalmed, the pressure of my family nak datang tengok grad and I need to grad. Tak cukup tido, dah tu terpaksa la cover menguap tak ingat during the day in the hospital or clinic. Bulan april and early may, exam final med yang feel like, ya Allah, please let me pass this medschool and i dont want to repeat my exam during autumn. Alhamdulillah, i have passed.
And start may till oct, it was really like a leisure month. I can watch tv without feeling guilty, can read some books, can at least help my mother hantar pi pekan dengan auto car lol, looking forward for weekend to gather with my sisters and anak anak buah. And bila start dapat rumour isi ehousemen 22hb Nov, dah mula dah pun palpitation. Haha tambah dengan Bajet 2017, sekarang dah jadi houseman contract. Dah la nanti stress kerja, contract pulak tu, lol.
Now it is less than two weeks left for kursus program transformasi minda. And then before that nak kena prepare like a lot of stuffs, and i dont want to mention it here. Dengan takde printer kat rumah, nak kena pi cc nak print all that stuffs, so in case hangpa nak bagi birthday present kat I next year, bagi printer pun dah ok, lol demand!
So, nak masuk kerja ni, memang mencabar laa. Bukan nak jadi negative, but I just have to be realistic that I am no longer a medical student yang can simply usha patient review and the managements, instead now I am the one wil be responsible for that. So yeah, responsibility!!! Furthermore, the long working hours, hopefully tak collapse laa. I asked Allah to give me physical, mental, emotional and spiritual strength for me. Staying at home for the past 5 months, I think has made me become more clingy with family. Huhu.
I don't know how to describe this feeling but it feels like the same bila nak balik Ireland and I did cry berbaldi time kat airport. Walaupun nampak tough di luar, I have a hati tisu and a sentimental soul. So, since last night rasa cam sedih je, bila ayah bagi advice pasal masuk kerja pun fefeeling sayu, haha sampailah tengah hari tadi, tak breakfast sebab tak lalu makan (lol ni rare loss of appetite) sambil nangis bawah selimut (a true story). So, I diagnosed myself with mini-murung lol, then feel like I need to talk to my therapist. Only then, bila petang when I talked to my mom about what I worried about, is it okay to be like this and that, baru la rasa lega. Although your mom doesn't really give you a solution, but it is still feel like a therapy, just to express your concerns.
Housemanship wont be an easy journey, but definitely a learning journey to be a good doctor that I should enjoy during this phase. Bak kata seorang senior, kerja susah pun at least hati jadi lapang kalau ada support system yang kuat. So gaisss, I do need your moral supports and your sincere prayers all the way through this 2 years of journey.
This challenge insyaAllah memang sudah sampai waktunya, sama la macam...
2008: struggle for spm sebab nanti orang kata apalah budak mrsm tak dapat straight A
2011: struggle a level sebab semua orang dah tahu nak fly study medic
2011: adapt duk oversea and homesick amat pastu fikir omg nak duk 5 tahun belaja medic saje ke
2016: struggle finalmed to grad on time
2016: new phase of life a houseman
Phew. Cabaran itu akan sentiasa ada. Menerusi kesabaran itulah kita akan dapat ganjaran dari Allah dan at the same time jadikan kita manusia yang lebih kuat. The key thing is our attitude bila berhadapan dengan sesuatu cabaran itu sendiri. Ahli motivasi kata, bila sssuatu perkara berlaku, 10% adalah apa entah tak ingat, lagi 90% adalah reaction kita. For me, it is okay sometime to feel down, but then have to gt up quickly and don't let the blues feeling conquering you yourself. Ok semangat tak lepas baca perenggan ni hahahaha T_T
Okay lah, sorry laa membebel, this is how introvert membebel in real life through writing berjela haha. Sorry for letting you gais reading this not so informative entry, haha.
Please pray for me, okies, may Allah grants Ain with good HO colleagues and senior doctors and staff nurses, MA etc etc etc ameen...