Thursday, December 1, 2016

Pre-PTM Rants

Assalamualaikum...


It has been a week since my last entry regarding post e-houseman rants. So, today it will be about pre-PTM rants. Yang tak tahu PTM ni apa, it stands for Program Transformasi Minda. Basically macam kursus induksi sebelum berkhidmat dalam perkhidmatan awam.




And so, for PTM and lapor diri kat hospital, there are quite a lot of stuffs need to be done. So, since last week, my schedule has been quite busy. Medical check up la, pergi akuan sumpah la, daftar kwsp, pergi request penyata akaun bank, viewing rumah sewa at pilah some more, beli beli barang keperluan yang tak cukup, buat chop, fews IG shopping benda tak cukup lagi, ambil sijil pendaftaran sementara MMC....aaa apa lagi entah. Ada je benda nak kena buat hari hari. And its tiring. Ada hari, I slept during midday sebab penat belah pagi buat itu ini and woke up around half 3 in the evening, lol, collapse habis, camne lah nanti dah masuk kerja dengan long working hoursnya. Hopefully the long working hours is bearable for me...Mmmm.


And then last minute revision lagi..... Like seriously my medical knowledge feel like.....where are theyyyyy? Haha. Sebab tu yang buat lagi cuak kot nak masuk kerja. Nak kerja pun nak kena ada knowledge jugak, right. At the moment, I'm trying my best jugak to accomodate my brain, at least with very basic stuffs like ingat balik cara nak buat procedures, physical exam, history taking, presenting case, ecg interpretation, blood analysis, x-ray, situation yang manageable expected as a HO, bla bla bla macam banyak pulak benda basicnyaaa. Ni la akibat tak mengurus masa sejak menganggur, hehs. Kang dah kelam kabut...


My emotion pulak has been much better compared to last week haha. Haha minggu lepas memang rasa cam mini-murung betul lol, blame the hormones. Now dah boleh terima hakikat, hakikat I'm going to be an hour far away from my parents and hakikat I'm now going to be a working adult soon. So, maturity and wisdom are very important to survive in a new phase of life...


And then sekarang pun dah join whatsapp group yang ada senior housemen from Pilah. So ada macam ramai jugak new housemen for this December intake. I can see ramai nerdies juga dalam group ni lol. And it is a good thing. Hopefully all of us can be a very supportive and helpful colleague to each other. Kat kursus PTM ni baru lah jumpa rakan rakan new intake ni. And so starting next week... terpaksa laa keluar dari my comfort zones, yakni to make new friends with others...


At the moment, half of me excited nak kerja (poyo ker) sebab teringat zaman jadi finalmed kat Ireland, sebab kat sana kan tak perlu pakai whitecoat, so kadang nurse mistaken us as junior doc and suruh prescribe medicine kat patients. Lol. And reaction masa tu, "Oh, i'm just a medical student,". So now, takde acah acah medical student dah. Sekarang ni, pegang tanggungjawab besar dah. And half of me, anxiety la macam biasa sebab benda baru, takut too dumb, too clueless to do a HO jobscope. Hopefully dapat adapt cepat...


And my father pulak, hari hari bagi ceramah masuk kerja... One thing yang menarik bila ayah cakap, kita kerja ni nak tolong orang. TOLONG ORANG. So, tak kisah apa apa pun kerja kita, TOLONG ORANG phrase is indeed something yang dipandang mulia dan disukai Allah s.w.t. tambah lagi kalau tambah dengan rasa ikhlas. Thus this remind me, betapa pentingnya nak kena refresh niat hari hari, why I'm going to work today....and kalau ingat balik betapa besar ganjaran melawat orang sakit, boleh ingatkan kembali betapa istimewanya pekerjaan yang amanah untuk kita ni. Gitulaaaa, semoga "long-acting" laa positivity ni, I'm just a normal human being, there are time where I will definitely feeling down later, but again as I mentioned last week, kena get up quickly! So, seriously in need of your sincere prayer. Okiesss.


My mak pulak, kalau masa drive pegi pekan, cakap, nanti dah kerja, tak dapatlah nak keluar selalu pegi pekan. Hadoi touching pulak kita dengarnya hoho. So memang dah berangan dah, offday je nak balik rumah, tido kat rumah. Nak makan food mak masak. Kerja pun tak masuk lagi, heh, HO contoh betul berangan camni.


Sentimental tu memang sentimental la. I have a very low level of sentimental threshold pulak tu, lagi laa. Kadang kadang tetiba air mata jatuh membasahi bumi mengenangkan jasa mak and ayah kat diri ini. Sangat banyak and tak mampu pun nak balas, hatta dengan wang ringgit sekalipun... Mampu doa agar Allah beri kesihatan yang baik and diganjari dengan syurga Firdausi atas budi baik both of them to me...


Okaylah itu sahaja ceritanya.. Minggu depan Monday to Friday, I will be in Port Dickson for PTM. Semoga makanan sedap. Haha. Nanti dah masuk kerja, makan kat hospital je, kalau ada masa laa hehs.


Sekian, #prePTMblues #preHOblues wassalam...

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Post-Ehousemen Registration Rants

Assalamualaikum.


Lama tak update blog. Hari ni first day post-EHousemen registration. Dapat second choice, yakni Hospital Kuala Pilah. Well, not really a choice because my only choice is Hospital Seremban. Mengenangkan masa isi e-housemen, rasa macam dah dream come true bila dapat klik Hospital Seremban, but the dream just vanished like that bila keluar notification "fasiliti penuh". I cried a river. Ceh hyperbola sangat river tu. And that very crucial time, rasa cam terpaksa lah jugak ambik Hospital Kuala Pilah.


So, when people congratulate me on my housemanship placement, I was like okay thanks. Deep inside, I was wandering, am I making a right choice? I don't know yet but I believe Allah will be always with me wherever I am going to do my housemanship. It is indeed a tough decision, bearing in mind there is other stuffs at the back of my mind about my future planning.




2016 is a very "colourful" year, first 3 months of this year, stress and struggle gila study for finalmed, the pressure of my family nak datang tengok grad and I need to grad. Tak cukup tido, dah tu terpaksa la cover menguap tak ingat during the day in the hospital or clinic. Bulan april and early may, exam final med yang feel like, ya Allah, please let me pass this medschool and i dont want to repeat my exam during autumn. Alhamdulillah, i have passed.


And start may till oct, it was really like a leisure month. I can watch tv without feeling guilty, can read some books, can at least help my mother hantar pi pekan dengan auto car lol, looking forward for weekend to gather with my sisters and anak anak buah. And bila start dapat rumour isi ehousemen 22hb Nov, dah mula dah pun palpitation. Haha tambah dengan Bajet 2017, sekarang dah jadi houseman contract. Dah la nanti stress kerja, contract pulak tu, lol.


Now it is less than two weeks left for kursus program transformasi minda. And then before that nak kena prepare like a lot of stuffs, and i dont want to mention it here. Dengan takde printer kat rumah, nak kena pi cc nak print all that stuffs, so in case hangpa nak bagi birthday present kat I next year, bagi printer pun dah ok, lol demand!


So, nak masuk kerja ni, memang mencabar laa. Bukan nak jadi negative, but I just have to be realistic that I am no longer a medical student yang can simply usha patient review and the managements, instead now I am the one wil be responsible for that. So yeah, responsibility!!! Furthermore, the long working hours, hopefully tak collapse laa. I asked Allah to give me physical, mental, emotional and spiritual strength for me. Staying at home for the past 5 months, I think has made me become more clingy with family. Huhu.


I don't know how to describe this feeling but it feels like the same bila nak balik Ireland and I did cry berbaldi time kat airport. Walaupun nampak tough di luar, I have a hati tisu and a sentimental soul. So, since last night rasa cam sedih je, bila ayah bagi advice pasal masuk kerja pun fefeeling sayu, haha sampailah tengah hari tadi, tak breakfast sebab tak lalu makan (lol ni rare loss of appetite) sambil nangis bawah selimut (a true story). So, I diagnosed myself with mini-murung lol, then feel like I need to talk to my therapist. Only then, bila petang when I talked to my mom about what I worried about, is it okay to be like this and that, baru la rasa lega. Although your mom doesn't really give you a solution, but it is still feel like a therapy, just to express your concerns.


Housemanship wont be an easy journey, but definitely a learning journey to be a good doctor that I should enjoy during this phase. Bak kata seorang senior, kerja susah pun at least hati jadi lapang kalau ada support system yang kuat. So gaisss, I do need your moral supports and your sincere prayers all the way through this 2 years of journey.


This challenge insyaAllah memang sudah sampai waktunya, sama la macam...


2008: struggle for spm sebab nanti orang kata apalah budak mrsm tak dapat straight A
2011: struggle a level sebab semua orang dah tahu nak fly study medic
2011: adapt duk oversea and homesick amat pastu fikir omg nak duk 5 tahun belaja medic saje ke
2016: struggle finalmed to grad on time
And again
2016: new phase of life a houseman
2017: ???


Phew. Cabaran itu akan sentiasa ada. Menerusi kesabaran itulah kita akan dapat ganjaran dari Allah dan at the same time jadikan kita manusia yang lebih kuat. The key thing is our attitude bila berhadapan dengan sesuatu cabaran itu sendiri. Ahli motivasi kata, bila sssuatu perkara berlaku, 10% adalah apa entah tak ingat, lagi 90% adalah reaction kita. For me, it is okay sometime to feel down, but then have to gt up quickly and don't let the blues feeling conquering you yourself. Ok semangat tak lepas baca perenggan ni hahahaha T_T


Okay lah, sorry laa membebel, this is how introvert membebel in real life through writing berjela haha. Sorry for letting you gais reading this not so informative entry, haha.


Please pray for me, okies, may Allah grants Ain with good HO colleagues and senior doctors and staff nurses, MA etc etc etc ameen...


Sekian, wassalam.

Monday, September 26, 2016

What Does It Mean To Be An Adult?


Assalamualaikum wrt wbt.




Sejak masuk tahun 2016 ni, bila dah masuk umur 25 tahun, rasa macam dah tua sangat rasanya. Normal ke perasaan rasa tua ni? Tambah bila dah grad dari medschool May lepas, and then celebrate my 25th birthday last June, lagi lah rasa macam, ala dah kena jadi orang dewasa ke? Sebab selalu rasa nak acah-acah remaja yang dibawah tanggungan ibu bapa. Hehs. Bila guna term orang dewasa ni, apa yang saya maksudkan ialah sudah ada kemahiran dan ilmu untuk bekerja dan tidak bergantung kepada orang lain untuk menyara keperluan diri. 



Zaman sekolah/kolej/university, kita tak pernah belajar secara formal cabaran jadi orang dewasa. Mungkin jugak ada di antara kita, masa kanak-kanak atau remaja, rasa macam tak sabar nak dapat the so-called kebebasan hidup bila dah tamat sekolah/university ataupun ada thought seperti “Eh, seronoknya jadi orang besar, ada duit sendiri, ada kereta sendiri, boleh shopping sendiri, bebas nak pergi sana sini,”. 



Tapi, hakikatnya tak lah semudah itu. Transisi dari jadi seorang pelajar nak masuk ke alam pekerjaan, adalah dua dunia yang berbeza. Jadi student, elaun masuk macam biasa, takde nak fikir nak membanting tulang empat kerat ke apa, mungkin ada students yang kalau belajar kat Malaysia terpaksa buat bisnes masa belajar untuk sara diri di uni, yang ini respek sangat. 



Kalau dalam konteks pelajar medic, pergi hospital, kita masih belum perlu bertanggungjawab ke atas patients jagaan doktor team kita. Tapi kalau dah mula bekerja sebagai doktor, dah kena pikul tanggungjawab ke atas patients, tak boleh nak main main, kalau tak, tak berkat gaji yang kita dapat dan yang lebih kritikal, kecuaian kita mungkin membahayakan patients kita. Sama juga dengan pekerjaan lain. Dah ada tanggungjawab dan tak boleh nak sambil lewa seperti zaman bergelar pelajar.



I’m blessed with three elders sisters, thus adalah serba sedikit overview tentang alam kedewasaan ini, haha. Setakat ini, apa yang dapat dirumuskan, untuk survive dengan baik dalam cabaran menjadi dewasa, ada 3 perkara:



1. Pandai menguruskan kewangan
2. Pandai cari masa untuk keluarga
3. Belajar ilmu lain



That day, I asked my friend about do you get the gaji after three month of working, and she said yes. Ya, sebab selalunya kalau keje gomen, dapat gaji after 3 bulan. Pastu tetiba cuak, do I have enough saving to survive for the first 3 months? Sebab kalau boleh taknak lah menyusahkan mak ayah sangat. Cukuplah they have tanggung makan minum pakai and kereta sepanjang jadi penganggur ni and I don’t want to burden them too much. Haha pastu buat calculation, rasa macam insyaAllah boleh lah survive kot, lol. Kalau tak, kena menagih kasih kat mak ayah lah hehs.



So, in this case, dah nampak dah betapa pengurusan kewangan ni sangat penting. Zaman belajar kalau boros ke takpe lagi lah, ni kalau dah bekerja tak reti nak manage duit, it is a disaster! So, kalau lah ada adik adik yang tersesat baca blog akak ni yang rasa cam tazzabar jadi orang dewasa, di sini akak ada buat checklist nak kena spend from your future gaji. 



Tadaaa!



· Duit for parents
· Duit kereta bulanan
· Service kereta dan roadtax
· Duit minyak, tol, touchNgo
· Duit sewa rumah (if menyewa)
· Duit bulanan beli rumah (if beli rumah)
· Groceries rumah
· Bil air, elektrik, astro, handphone
· Takaful
· Duit mara (mara scholars)
· Saving tetap
· Duit tabung kecemasan – jatuh sakit, kereta rosak, aircond problem, pintu pagar rosak, paip air kena baiki, etc etc
· Personal shopping (HAHA, kena reward la atleast)
· Belanja makan harian (ie lunch)
· Nafkah isteri (for para suami budiman)



Ok ni tak campur bila dah ada anak-anak



· Susu
· Lampin
· Pakaian
· Nestum biskut etc
· Nursery
· Tadika
· Wang saku sekolah
· Takaful 
· Buku sekolah and etc keperluan sekolah



Ok tak tahu lah kalau ada lagi tambahan. But, when I list this down, I was like, scary nya nak jadi orang dewasa. So much commitments and responsibilities, hidup ini bukan permainan. Perlu serius!



Kalau compared dengan my batch zaman mrsm tepeng dengan batch KY, budak budak medik ni kira golongan paling lambat sekali lah masuk alam pekerjaan. Dulu-dulu rasa cam, eh jelesnya juniors dah kerja dulu dari seniors, or bila ada peers yang dah start earning their own money earlier than us. Tapi hakikatnya di sebalik pendapatan itu, banyak benda nak kena manage. 



Harapnya dengan pendedahan ‘exclusive’ how are you going to spend your gaji, dapatlah menyedarkan belia belia penganggur seperti diri ini, haha, untuk mula serius fikir tentang perancangan masa depan. Kena jugak buat pembacaan tentang financial management. Dengan ekonomi yang agak gawat, barang mahal etc, financial management is indeed very important. The key ideas, I guess, don’t ever compare your life with your colleagues or whatsoever. Berbelanja la ikut kemampuan masing-masing ye dop. 



More importantly, reminder for myself, jangan lupa sedekah, especially kat keluarga sendiri. And bila nak personal shopping tu, atleast beli something that you can invest in yourself. It can be you go travelling to gain new experience, to learn new culture, or you buy any good books to read to broaden your knowledge, or it can be you buy a treadmill so that you can just exercise at home, lol. Teringat idea idea ni lepas tengok satu episode Inspirasi HLive with Prof Muhaya sebab rumah dia ada gym sendiri. 



And plan masa. I am seriously don’t know what to expect the life as a houseman. Orang kata takde life, haha. But for sure, akan busy. Sedikit sebanyak, dulu-dulu selalu juga tweets jelesnya orang kerja office 8 to 5 pm, they have like a normal human being life, haha kenapalah belajar medik ye. Kan dah kena kerja long hours. Lol. Mohon bersyukur! Sebab tu in my previous post regarding my interview experience, I have high hope to be posted into Klinik Kesihatan for my MO-ship. Haha apa apa pon mohon buat housemanship dengan jayanya dulu ye kak. 



So, selain listkan about all those financial planning, kena fikir jugak how we want to achieve the so-called work-life balance… Yes, we future doctors will cakap busy busy busy, I have no time etc etc. Haha cliché sangat doktor ni suka claimed kerjaya dia je paling busy. Busy orang kerja lain tak kira pulak, heee. But the truth is, tak kisah lah apa apa jenis pekerjaan pun, busy macamana pun, you have to MAKE TIME. Make time for our family, especially our parents, they are getting older, they become more sensitive some more. Plus if you have a spouse and kids, then you can’t neglect them, still you have to express affection and play your responsibilities as best as you can. 



After all, if you spend your pendapatan and your time for the sake of Allah, insyaAllah ada barakahNya. Hidup ini penuh cabaran, tapi kita ada Allah, tempat kita berdoa agar segala urusan kita dipermudahkan…



Talking about belajar ilmu lain, sebab alam dewasa ni menuntut kita untuk celik bab kewangan, celik bab hartanah (especially bila first time nak beli rumah), celik hal ehwal rumahtangga, celik bab pendidikan dan psikologi anak-anak. Dan tak dilupakan sudah tentu as a Muslim, ilmu kerohanian agar tak tersasar dalam perjalanan menuju Tuhan. Kalau search dalam facebook, insyaAllah banyak je page yang berkualiti yang kita boleh timba sedikit sebanyak ilmu alang alang scrolling newsfeed FB. 



Orang cakap, it is easier said than done kan. Sama lah. Senang nak menulis dari nak membuatnya sendiri. Haha yang menulis nanti, lebih lebih lagi diuji. Apa-apa pun, dalam hidup kita ni memang takkan stagnant, akan sentiasa ada cabaran yang mendatang. Yang penting, percaya kepada pertolongan dari Tuhan..



Istanbul, Turki (Disember 2012)


Okaylah itu je...selamat menjadi dewasa!



Sekian, wassalam.