Friday, December 9, 2016

Post-PTM Rants

Assalamualaikum dan Salam 1Housemanship. Alhamdulillah, selesai sudah ber-PTM a.k.a Program Transformasi Negara. Kalau last week, dah tulis pasal pre-PTM rants, jadinya hari ni entry pasal post-PTM rants.


Seperti mana kita sedia maklum, kalau pergi kursus ni, cabaran bagi seorang introvert ialah untuk bersosial dengan orang lain dan mengelakkan awkward silence. Kiranya macam harus keluar dari comfort zone sebab nak kena make new friends gitu, haha. Kalau introvert sama introvert, both can appreciate comfortable silence tu, heh. Apa-apa pun alhamdulillah, the five days and four nights in Port Dickson, went well, not too bad laa in term of nak bersosial, first day is always the hardest sebab nak tukar switch introvert jadi ambivert haha.


Malam persembahan



So, nama pun program transformasi kan. Ada lah transformasi tu sedikit. Sebab before I went for PTM, cuak nak masuk housemanship tu tinggi jugak lah. Tapi setelah ber-PTM ni, level cuak tu dah berkurang sikit sebab dah boleh lebih menerima hakikat that I’m going to be a housemen in Hospital Kuala Pilah dalam beberapa hari lagi. Tambah pulak tidur pukul 1pagi, bangun pukul 6pagi. 5 jam je tido for the past four nights. And then the rest of the day, bak kata faci program, Duduk & Dengar je. Haha itu pun penat, wonder jugak masuk kerja long working hours, macamana pulak rasanya. But at least, time PTM ni dah warm up tido 5 jam je hahaha.


Pengisian ceramah banyak explain pasal tanggungjawab as penjawat awam, pasal gaji (lol tu je yang semangat haha), pasal cuti (pun semangat jugak tu) and perkara perkara lain jugak. Tapi actually ceramah yang paling best was by a psychologist, sebab menarik sangat pengisian dia. Briefly, beliau kaitkan personality dengan working environment. I think, most of my close friends pun tahu how obsess I am with personality thingy haha.


Bila kita lebih kenal diri kita ni macamana, so kita lebih tahu macamana nak handle sesuatu situasi tu. And bila kita kenal personaliti kita, kita tahu di mana kelebihan yang kita boleh gunakan dalam career kita, dan tahu kat mana kelemahan kita yang kita boleh baiki so that kerja kita jadi lebih baik. Bak kata psychologist tu lagi, “How you response to a situation, will make a big difference,”…


And paling rasa sadis tu sebab most penceramah pun quite surprise and simpati sebab kitorang ni first batch yang dilantik kontrak. Ye lah, semua orang nak kerja tetap kot, nak secure ada kerja, ada pendapatan hahah. So, bila jadi lantikan kontrak ni, definitely benefit dia tak sama sangatlah dengan lantikan tetap. Begitulah…. Tapi for now, jangan nak risau sangat pasal lantikan kontrak ke apa, kena focus apa yang ada depan mata dulu yakni complete housemanship dengan jayanya dulu.


And finally, dapat jugak jumpa ex-pengarah hospital Jelebu. Sebab masa pergi klinik gigi jelebu, ada pakcik kat klinik tu cakap dulu pengarah hospital Jelebu tu, orang Jelebu. Semangat kita kat Program jumpa orang Jelebu, tetiba dah bercita-cita nak jadi Pengarah Hospital haha, bagi chance la berangannn. Berangan kan percuma. Kalau tak hospital, klinik kesihatan pun jadi laaa. Haha.


Okaylah, itu je kot my rants for today. Overall, PTM best and transform la sikit sikit and kasi warm up sikit before masuk kerja. Berbeza sangat lah PTM dengan BTN masa before fly dulu, itu memang brainwash habis lah hahaha. Hopefully semua rakan-rakan se-PTM 109 orang tu semua tabah dah cekal lah menghadapi liku-liku kehidupan sebagai seorang housemen.


Semoga selain dari aim kita nak complete housemanship training within two year period, kita juga pada masa yang sama, bak kata my favourite Cork super senior asyik duk pesan, ENJOY housemanship tu sendiri. Ambil peluang untuk belajar, belajar, belajar dan terus belajar… Eleh korang jugak dulu duk jaja nak ambik medicine sebab dia life-long learning process hahahaha. And then nanti kalau kerna keluar kerja awal even before subuh, semoga kita curik masa sebelum keluar rumah tu buat solat tahajud sebagai sumber kekuatan.


Kadang kita mungkin tak nampak mana kekuatannya, tapi insyaAllah percaya pada Allah, takkan sia-siakan permintaan hambaNya kan, mohon kekuatan dan kemudahan dari Allah s.w.t….And sama sama jaga and tengok-tengokkan rakan-rakan sehousemen kita. Kalau boleh sama sama bantu, sama sama masuk, sama sama habis housemanship gitu..ameen


Sekian, selamat berhousemanship! Wassalam.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Pre-PTM Rants

Assalamualaikum...


It has been a week since my last entry regarding post e-houseman rants. So, today it will be about pre-PTM rants. Yang tak tahu PTM ni apa, it stands for Program Transformasi Minda. Basically macam kursus induksi sebelum berkhidmat dalam perkhidmatan awam.




And so, for PTM and lapor diri kat hospital, there are quite a lot of stuffs need to be done. So, since last week, my schedule has been quite busy. Medical check up la, pergi akuan sumpah la, daftar kwsp, pergi request penyata akaun bank, viewing rumah sewa at pilah some more, beli beli barang keperluan yang tak cukup, buat chop, fews IG shopping benda tak cukup lagi, ambil sijil pendaftaran sementara MMC....aaa apa lagi entah. Ada je benda nak kena buat hari hari. And its tiring. Ada hari, I slept during midday sebab penat belah pagi buat itu ini and woke up around half 3 in the evening, lol, collapse habis, camne lah nanti dah masuk kerja dengan long working hoursnya. Hopefully the long working hours is bearable for me...Mmmm.


And then last minute revision lagi..... Like seriously my medical knowledge feel like.....where are theyyyyy? Haha. Sebab tu yang buat lagi cuak kot nak masuk kerja. Nak kerja pun nak kena ada knowledge jugak, right. At the moment, I'm trying my best jugak to accomodate my brain, at least with very basic stuffs like ingat balik cara nak buat procedures, physical exam, history taking, presenting case, ecg interpretation, blood analysis, x-ray, situation yang manageable expected as a HO, bla bla bla macam banyak pulak benda basicnyaaa. Ni la akibat tak mengurus masa sejak menganggur, hehs. Kang dah kelam kabut...


My emotion pulak has been much better compared to last week haha. Haha minggu lepas memang rasa cam mini-murung betul lol, blame the hormones. Now dah boleh terima hakikat, hakikat I'm going to be an hour far away from my parents and hakikat I'm now going to be a working adult soon. So, maturity and wisdom are very important to survive in a new phase of life...


And then sekarang pun dah join whatsapp group yang ada senior housemen from Pilah. So ada macam ramai jugak new housemen for this December intake. I can see ramai nerdies juga dalam group ni lol. And it is a good thing. Hopefully all of us can be a very supportive and helpful colleague to each other. Kat kursus PTM ni baru lah jumpa rakan rakan new intake ni. And so starting next week... terpaksa laa keluar dari my comfort zones, yakni to make new friends with others...


At the moment, half of me excited nak kerja (poyo ker) sebab teringat zaman jadi finalmed kat Ireland, sebab kat sana kan tak perlu pakai whitecoat, so kadang nurse mistaken us as junior doc and suruh prescribe medicine kat patients. Lol. And reaction masa tu, "Oh, i'm just a medical student,". So now, takde acah acah medical student dah. Sekarang ni, pegang tanggungjawab besar dah. And half of me, anxiety la macam biasa sebab benda baru, takut too dumb, too clueless to do a HO jobscope. Hopefully dapat adapt cepat...


And my father pulak, hari hari bagi ceramah masuk kerja... One thing yang menarik bila ayah cakap, kita kerja ni nak tolong orang. TOLONG ORANG. So, tak kisah apa apa pun kerja kita, TOLONG ORANG phrase is indeed something yang dipandang mulia dan disukai Allah s.w.t. tambah lagi kalau tambah dengan rasa ikhlas. Thus this remind me, betapa pentingnya nak kena refresh niat hari hari, why I'm going to work today....and kalau ingat balik betapa besar ganjaran melawat orang sakit, boleh ingatkan kembali betapa istimewanya pekerjaan yang amanah untuk kita ni. Gitulaaaa, semoga "long-acting" laa positivity ni, I'm just a normal human being, there are time where I will definitely feeling down later, but again as I mentioned last week, kena get up quickly! So, seriously in need of your sincere prayer. Okiesss.


My mak pulak, kalau masa drive pegi pekan, cakap, nanti dah kerja, tak dapatlah nak keluar selalu pegi pekan. Hadoi touching pulak kita dengarnya hoho. So memang dah berangan dah, offday je nak balik rumah, tido kat rumah. Nak makan food mak masak. Kerja pun tak masuk lagi, heh, HO contoh betul berangan camni.


Sentimental tu memang sentimental la. I have a very low level of sentimental threshold pulak tu, lagi laa. Kadang kadang tetiba air mata jatuh membasahi bumi mengenangkan jasa mak and ayah kat diri ini. Sangat banyak and tak mampu pun nak balas, hatta dengan wang ringgit sekalipun... Mampu doa agar Allah beri kesihatan yang baik and diganjari dengan syurga Firdausi atas budi baik both of them to me...


Okaylah itu sahaja ceritanya.. Minggu depan Monday to Friday, I will be in Port Dickson for PTM. Semoga makanan sedap. Haha. Nanti dah masuk kerja, makan kat hospital je, kalau ada masa laa hehs.


Sekian, #prePTMblues #preHOblues wassalam...

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Post-Ehousemen Registration Rants

Assalamualaikum.


Lama tak update blog. Hari ni first day post-EHousemen registration. Dapat second choice, yakni Hospital Kuala Pilah. Well, not really a choice because my only choice is Hospital Seremban. Mengenangkan masa isi e-housemen, rasa macam dah dream come true bila dapat klik Hospital Seremban, but the dream just vanished like that bila keluar notification "fasiliti penuh". I cried a river. Ceh hyperbola sangat river tu. And that very crucial time, rasa cam terpaksa lah jugak ambik Hospital Kuala Pilah.


So, when people congratulate me on my housemanship placement, I was like okay thanks. Deep inside, I was wandering, am I making a right choice? I don't know yet but I believe Allah will be always with me wherever I am going to do my housemanship. It is indeed a tough decision, bearing in mind there is other stuffs at the back of my mind about my future planning.




2016 is a very "colourful" year, first 3 months of this year, stress and struggle gila study for finalmed, the pressure of my family nak datang tengok grad and I need to grad. Tak cukup tido, dah tu terpaksa la cover menguap tak ingat during the day in the hospital or clinic. Bulan april and early may, exam final med yang feel like, ya Allah, please let me pass this medschool and i dont want to repeat my exam during autumn. Alhamdulillah, i have passed.


And start may till oct, it was really like a leisure month. I can watch tv without feeling guilty, can read some books, can at least help my mother hantar pi pekan dengan auto car lol, looking forward for weekend to gather with my sisters and anak anak buah. And bila start dapat rumour isi ehousemen 22hb Nov, dah mula dah pun palpitation. Haha tambah dengan Bajet 2017, sekarang dah jadi houseman contract. Dah la nanti stress kerja, contract pulak tu, lol.


Now it is less than two weeks left for kursus program transformasi minda. And then before that nak kena prepare like a lot of stuffs, and i dont want to mention it here. Dengan takde printer kat rumah, nak kena pi cc nak print all that stuffs, so in case hangpa nak bagi birthday present kat I next year, bagi printer pun dah ok, lol demand!


So, nak masuk kerja ni, memang mencabar laa. Bukan nak jadi negative, but I just have to be realistic that I am no longer a medical student yang can simply usha patient review and the managements, instead now I am the one wil be responsible for that. So yeah, responsibility!!! Furthermore, the long working hours, hopefully tak collapse laa. I asked Allah to give me physical, mental, emotional and spiritual strength for me. Staying at home for the past 5 months, I think has made me become more clingy with family. Huhu.


I don't know how to describe this feeling but it feels like the same bila nak balik Ireland and I did cry berbaldi time kat airport. Walaupun nampak tough di luar, I have a hati tisu and a sentimental soul. So, since last night rasa cam sedih je, bila ayah bagi advice pasal masuk kerja pun fefeeling sayu, haha sampailah tengah hari tadi, tak breakfast sebab tak lalu makan (lol ni rare loss of appetite) sambil nangis bawah selimut (a true story). So, I diagnosed myself with mini-murung lol, then feel like I need to talk to my therapist. Only then, bila petang when I talked to my mom about what I worried about, is it okay to be like this and that, baru la rasa lega. Although your mom doesn't really give you a solution, but it is still feel like a therapy, just to express your concerns.


Housemanship wont be an easy journey, but definitely a learning journey to be a good doctor that I should enjoy during this phase. Bak kata seorang senior, kerja susah pun at least hati jadi lapang kalau ada support system yang kuat. So gaisss, I do need your moral supports and your sincere prayers all the way through this 2 years of journey.


This challenge insyaAllah memang sudah sampai waktunya, sama la macam...


2008: struggle for spm sebab nanti orang kata apalah budak mrsm tak dapat straight A
2011: struggle a level sebab semua orang dah tahu nak fly study medic
2011: adapt duk oversea and homesick amat pastu fikir omg nak duk 5 tahun belaja medic saje ke
2016: struggle finalmed to grad on time
And again
2016: new phase of life a houseman
2017: ???


Phew. Cabaran itu akan sentiasa ada. Menerusi kesabaran itulah kita akan dapat ganjaran dari Allah dan at the same time jadikan kita manusia yang lebih kuat. The key thing is our attitude bila berhadapan dengan sesuatu cabaran itu sendiri. Ahli motivasi kata, bila sssuatu perkara berlaku, 10% adalah apa entah tak ingat, lagi 90% adalah reaction kita. For me, it is okay sometime to feel down, but then have to gt up quickly and don't let the blues feeling conquering you yourself. Ok semangat tak lepas baca perenggan ni hahahaha T_T


Okay lah, sorry laa membebel, this is how introvert membebel in real life through writing berjela haha. Sorry for letting you gais reading this not so informative entry, haha.


Please pray for me, okies, may Allah grants Ain with good HO colleagues and senior doctors and staff nurses, MA etc etc etc ameen...


Sekian, wassalam.